This post was actually part of a journal entry I tacked on to the end of one that wasn't nearly as hopeful and full of promise. The original post was made right after we had received a long-overdue, much needed and desired diagnosis for our 20-year old son. I was pretty angry, sad, disappointed and full of self-recrimination for not have been able to "make" it all happen sooner. Later and since that time, I have grown tremendously in my wisdom -- and certainly in my faith as God reveals to me more and more about Himself and opens my mind to His thoughts.
Philippians 6-7 "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
A couple of weeks ago in Sunday School we read and talked about 1 Samuel 1-4. The lesson I gleaned from the Scripture was that God will determine failure and defeat or victory and success. God decides the who and the when, the how and everything in between. Not man. Not me! God. We may think we’ve come out ahead in any given situation, but God may have planned it that way or we may feel defeated and God planned that too. God will use even that defeat and the lessons learned from it and the living through it to minister to his world—as He sees fit.
It really resonated for me, as I’ve struggled through these last few months. God had the plan for our son all worked out. I don’t need to expend energy worrying about what has happened or hasn’t happened in the past. God’s got it all together. He’s in charge.
Last night I got to thinking about Job. The blessings he received at the end of his life didn’t diminish his tremendous loss early on. His grief didn’t go away because he got another family and success after he lost everything. Those feelings were always with him, until the end of his days—that “yuckiness” probably crept up on him less and less frequently as time passed though. As his family grew and his wealth increased, his success and joy expanded and multiplied, that yuckiness probably only popped up occasionally as a fleeting memory.
I think he was probably grateful for it in the end, because by losing everything, he learned to be grateful for everything. I'm learning that lesson too. I hope I don't have to experience the tragedies that Job endured before I really figure it out!