Perseverance

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:3-5 NIV)

 

It has been 36 days since my mom died.  It occurred tome yesterday that new parents often reveal their baby's age in number of days, then weeks, then months and, ultimately, years. The experience is still new, and we can't even imagine anything beyond this day. While having a new baby is joyous (except for lack of sleep!) the adjustment still initially "happens" one day at a time.

 

I guess adjusting to life without a loved one has to move that way too.  Day by day by day, then weeks by week, month by month.  That's how perseverance is learned -- by day, by week, by month, by years. But I don't want to persevere in this! I want my mom back! I don't want to think I'll pick up the phone to dish about something I heard on the news and relish her lively, quick-witted commentary, or tell her about something exciting - like a grandchild's raise or how we finished putting in our vegetable garden, or a host of other things! I won't ever be able to share any momentous occassions or event with her again!

 

Don't get me wrong! We have dear friends who lost their child recently.  I have no doubt that loss is so much more painful and unbelivelably hard to bear and endure! I understand now not only their inconsolable sense of loss - but I grasp in a whole new way, at a whole new level of my being how much courage, strength, and yes, perseverance, it takes for them to just get out of bed each day. I get it and I'm grateful that perseverance isn't finishing its work in me in that way.

 

I'm still at the "day" stage of my perseverance.  I never really understood what these verses meant, "Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." How in the world could the death of my mom - or struggles, challenges, trials of other kinds - help me to be complete? I still feel very incomplete!

 

I think the completness may refer to being more like Christ.  To love more, to be stronger for others who can't be strong on their own, to pray harder, to live each day on purpose. It doesn't mean it will all be okay. It means we will survive. How we end up on the "other side" will be the result of our perseverance.  And we only learn to persevere through hardship. 

 

I'm not considering "it" pure joy yet. But I understand I have no choice but to go on. I'm not happy about it, but we are compelled to be "joyful."  Joy is not the same as happiness.  Joy is possible because I know Mom is in heaven and that I will join her there one day. Joy is possible because of Christ who won Mom and me - and everyone who believes - a place in heaven by His death.

 

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us" (Romans 5:3-5 NIV).

Blessings on your journey,
Mary

No Fairy Dust Perfection

Today I find my spirits lifted after several days of non-stop miscues, clumsiness, anxiety, stress, nothing going my way, everything that could possibly go wrong did--you know, a "Murphy's Law" kind of streak!  By last night, quite frankly, I was hunkering down, almost feeling like I just needed a good cry.  I generally  took everything in stride until yesterday afternoon - the third solid day of "stuff" not going my way.  I was just worn down, frustrated and, truthfully, feeling sorry for myself. None of it was "terrible" stuff! All of it was mainly inconvenient and annoying - not anything earth-shattering or life-changing!  My goodness!

In bible study on Monday night, we read in the book of James, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do" (James 1:2-8 NIV).

These verses seem almost counter to what many think life should be like, once we're "saved"! But we all know that wisdom does not come without study; perseverance can never be developed without testing; confidence in God's promises cannot happen without "making it through" difficult situations and "coming out the other side." 

There is no magic wand that scatters "fairy dust" of perfection into our lives!  If we had everything we wanted, we would never know how satisfied we could truly be. That satisfaction is not with ourselves or our situation. Rather we are satisfied because we know that no matter what situation in which we find ourselves, God is there with and for us. 

Yes, trials build character. Trials cause us to become mature and wise in how we conduct our lives, how we view our world and how we think and act. James reminds us that we have absolutely no right whatsoever to expect anything from God! Rather we are blessed to receive the free gift of His love and grace.

Sometimes I don't really feel like I want any more character, thank you! (Though I certainly am in desperate need!)  But God doesn't give us what we want just because we want it. Nope. He gives us what we need whether we know we need it or not. Yes, and even whether we feel up to handling whatever life sends our way.

"The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock" (Matthew 7:25 NIV).

Blessings on your journey,
Mary