Not Fully Healed

I have found myself wondering over the last several days since I have been healed of my anger, why I still find myself responding to people and to situations as I had when I was still under the burden of the anger. I had also, some weeks ago launched upon another effort to lose weight by being more active and eating more healthfully.

I have lost some weight and become more active, both in playing with the children I nanny for and in walking after dinner, etc. But some days I reach for high-carb snacks or just mindlessly munch on something that I’m not really hungry for.

I’ve recognized that this is the case as I’ve stepped on the scales each morning or had to take back a less than gracious remark. Today during my pastor’s sermon, it all came together for me. He always delivers a good sermon that I learn from and enjoy, but sometimes the Holy Spirit indwells and the pastor’s words have special meaning and importance.

I realized that when we are healed of our sin – fear, anger, hate, whatever – our hearts are indeed renewed. Our minds, though, are not instantly transformed. We still have the habits associated with the sin. We continue to act sinfully, even after we are healed of the sinfulness. That’s why I still lash out in anger or reach for potato chips instead of grapes!

That is why we must continue to pray about the sinfulness. We must ask God repeatedly and continually to help us be healed in our minds as well as in our hearts. We must be vigilant of our minds and the influence that habit has on our thoughts.

Because of Christ we can move from mindless sin, to mindful regeneration. In turning to Him and returning to him we are renewed and continually reshaped to resemble Him more and more.

My writing is reflective of my life journey. I think the writing I have been doing lately has been part of my effort to return to Christ over and over again. That returning has reaped more and more healing and more and more creative energy. That’s how I know I’m on the right path.

When the prolific outpouring of words slows down or (God forbid!!) stops, I’ll know that God wants me to slow down, listen more closely, wait on Him and be open to what He wants to reveal to me next.

I’m on a mountaintop right now. I know I can’t stay here, but I sure am enjoying the view. I’ve been up here before but I didn’t take full advantage of the altitude. I don’t think I fully accepted that it was temporary and I didn’t use my time wisely.

I believed that since I had been born again, everything would be different. I thought that life would change dramatically and I would change dramatically. God does his part, I didn’t understand the rest of the process; that the change would not be fully manifested in my life until I changed my mind and my actions as well.