Wow! It's been a month since I last posted. Perhaps I should have been sharing more. Believe me, there has been plenty going on on so many levels this past month!
Every once in a while I catch a glimpse of two things. First is the person I really want to be - all the time - even in crunch time - even in times of stress - even when in pain - yes, even if I were to lay dying.
It's who I saw my mother become in the last year of her life. The transformation was nothing short of a miracle; an example of God answering prayers in ways we can never imagine. Mom had a healing--not of her body, but of her heart, of the struggles/burdens that plagued her for many years. It was a healing I know we had all prayed for over the years, but I don't think any of us ever really thought about asking God to really, truly, absolutely and completely grant her the kind of peace on earth she - and we - experienced throughout her cancer journey (and our journey with her and my dad). It was nothing short of a miracle. And a gift - real gift that I will never be able to thank God for enough.
I want to be that person now. I want to be whole and happy and at peace and to feel - and live as if I feel - blessed. Every day. All the time. Through pain. Through disappointment. Through everything.
The second thing I glimpse sometimes (probably not often enough) is who I really am. And I wince when that person looks back at me in the mirror of my mind. I'm not a terrible person. But I've done so many things of which I am not proud. I've acted badly and been selfish, self-righteous and yes, just downright sinful. I'm not "that person" all the time. I just act like that person sometimes. And I don't like that person at all.
I am trying very hard these days to be more like the person I want to be--and desperately hope to become. Because I am so very blessed. So, so blessed. I recently shared that when I say I'm blessed it doesn't mean I have everything I ever wanted! (Though I certainly have far more than I deserve). Blessed is state of mind and heart. It has become my way of "being" (or at least my attempt to be this way). God is so very good and I can't help but praise him for every blessing.
My prayer today - for today and each and every day I am alive - is that I speak words of love and kindness. That I think thoughts only of others and how I can minister to them. That I think only thoughts of God's grace and healing. And while I am certain I will never be the person I truly want to be, I learned through my mom's final months and in the months since, that God's will is infallible. He answers prayers we cannot even dare to utter. He hears our cries for hope and help and healing that are uttered in soundless, breathless sobs. And He answers.
I really miss my mom today. It sneaks up on me. It hits me out of the blue. And then I remember that she told us she was happier than she had ever been in her life weeks before she died. Blessed is I think what she meant. For perhaps the first time she was able to see her life from an eternal view point. One that surpasses all human toiling, striving, struggling and dreaming. Perhaps she realized she had everything she could ever have hoped for - and far more than she deserved - more than any of us deserve.
I want to live like that every day. I want it to seep into my heart and my mind and into every cell of my body. I want to live blessed - not like I'm blessed - live rightly because I am blessed. My mom taught me many things throughout my life and touched many people throughout hers. Being blessed is perhaps the most significant lesson of all. And she was. And I was, and always will be, as her daughter.
God's will.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
Nothing else.
Blessings on your journey,
Mary
Showing posts with label God's will. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's will. Show all posts
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Squiqqly Faith
When we receive "good news" about a situation that had been thought somewhat hopeless, our hope increases! On the other hand we don't want to "get our hopes up" lest we are ultimately disappointed. It's a very "squiggly" line to walk!
When it comes to accepting God's will, I'm more like Job than I like to admit--questioning God and wondering about His will. I beseech God to grant an outcome of my choosing--of my desire. It's hard to pray God's will when we fear His will may be counter to our hoped for outcome! It's hard to keep hoping when we've waited so long for our will to be done.
Job beseeches God (as do we?), “What strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be patient? Do I have the strength of stone? Is my flesh bronze?" (Job 6:11-12 NIV)
God allows Job and his "friends" to go on and on for 37 verses before He finally has had enough! Thirty-seven versess! I pray God is as patient with me when I question, doubt, disagree, complain about His will because I walk that squiggly line every day!
God asks Job, “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone—while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?" (Job 38:4-7 NIV)
Like, Job, I mentally kick myself for daring to question God. “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know" (Job 42:2-3)
Still yet, God blessed Job--as he truly has blessed me! Even though I walk that squiggly line of "thank you, God, but . . ."
Fortunately, God is so gracious that He waits for me to find my way to Him at the end of that line!. And He waits for each of us to find Him.
Blessings on your journey,
Mary
When it comes to accepting God's will, I'm more like Job than I like to admit--questioning God and wondering about His will. I beseech God to grant an outcome of my choosing--of my desire. It's hard to pray God's will when we fear His will may be counter to our hoped for outcome! It's hard to keep hoping when we've waited so long for our will to be done.
Job beseeches God (as do we?), “What strength do I have, that I should still hope? What prospects, that I should be patient? Do I have the strength of stone? Is my flesh bronze?" (Job 6:11-12 NIV)
God allows Job and his "friends" to go on and on for 37 verses before He finally has had enough! Thirty-seven versess! I pray God is as patient with me when I question, doubt, disagree, complain about His will because I walk that squiggly line every day!
God asks Job, “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone—while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?" (Job 38:4-7 NIV)
Like, Job, I mentally kick myself for daring to question God. “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know" (Job 42:2-3)
Still yet, God blessed Job--as he truly has blessed me! Even though I walk that squiggly line of "thank you, God, but . . ."
Fortunately, God is so gracious that He waits for me to find my way to Him at the end of that line!. And He waits for each of us to find Him.
Blessings on your journey,
Mary
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Hard Prayer
Hard prayer. That is the thought that came to me during our church service this morning. It occurred to to me during congregational prayer after sharing prayer requests. Hard prayer.
Hard prayer is that prayer that is difficult to think or untter with a heart that is accepting of God's blessing. It is prayer that says regardless of the outcome, I will worship you; regardless of your answer, I will continue to pray my thanks for your love. Hard prayer is when you are painfully aware of the likely outcome of a situation -- the probable result -- but still hope for what is possible.
I have considered myself a prayer warrior for a long time. I have not been very disciplined over the past couple of years - not as I once was or would like to have been. That's why I am finding it such a paradox that at point in my life where I am praying for the unlikely and improbable, I am more full of faith and hope - and committed to continue in my prayer.
Hard prayer is praying God's will, not mine. It's praying that well, God if you don't offer the outcome I desire, at least teach me, hold me close, comfort me, and never turn away from me . . . even when I pound my fists at the sky and resent and curse you for not loving me enough to answer my prayer as I desire it to be answered. Of course I realize it's not about whether or not He loves me, but we all have that thought, I think, sometimes when things don't turn out the way we want them to.
Abraham bargained with God about Sodom. God acquiesed. Paul praised God in spite of his unanswered prayer. "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it [thorn in the flesh] away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NIV).
Hard prayer is "His grace is sufficient" prayer; "for when I am weak, then I am strong" prayer. God told Moses, ". . . I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion" (Exodus 33:19). THAT is hard prayer.
It may be hard, but we must pray--perhaps especially when it's hard. "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God" (Ephesians 3:16-19 NIV)
Blessings on your journey,
Mary
Hard prayer is that prayer that is difficult to think or untter with a heart that is accepting of God's blessing. It is prayer that says regardless of the outcome, I will worship you; regardless of your answer, I will continue to pray my thanks for your love. Hard prayer is when you are painfully aware of the likely outcome of a situation -- the probable result -- but still hope for what is possible.
I have considered myself a prayer warrior for a long time. I have not been very disciplined over the past couple of years - not as I once was or would like to have been. That's why I am finding it such a paradox that at point in my life where I am praying for the unlikely and improbable, I am more full of faith and hope - and committed to continue in my prayer.
Hard prayer is praying God's will, not mine. It's praying that well, God if you don't offer the outcome I desire, at least teach me, hold me close, comfort me, and never turn away from me . . . even when I pound my fists at the sky and resent and curse you for not loving me enough to answer my prayer as I desire it to be answered. Of course I realize it's not about whether or not He loves me, but we all have that thought, I think, sometimes when things don't turn out the way we want them to.
Abraham bargained with God about Sodom. God acquiesed. Paul praised God in spite of his unanswered prayer. "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it [thorn in the flesh] away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NIV).
Hard prayer is "His grace is sufficient" prayer; "for when I am weak, then I am strong" prayer. God told Moses, ". . . I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion" (Exodus 33:19). THAT is hard prayer.
It may be hard, but we must pray--perhaps especially when it's hard. "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God" (Ephesians 3:16-19 NIV)
Blessings on your journey,
Mary
Sunday, June 20, 2010
On a visit with my little buddies some time ago, God revealed several lessons to me--as He always does through the children in my life! This one is especially poignant, I think.
Last year - either for Christmas or for a birthday, I gave the boys two DVD's. One was of trucks-neither of them is spectacular, I don't think, but I bought them on-line and they like them - well one of the twins LOVES them! He's a truck fanatic--loves anything truck-related. Another thing the twins love is watching videos with Mary:-) Part of our new routine when I babysit is to watch all the videos we used to watch every day when I was their nanny.
Now that I only see the children every few weeks, our times together are especially precious - to them and to me. It had been at least 6 weeks since my last visit and in that time mom and dad got a new remote control because they changed cable service. Those who know me well already know where this is going. You see, while I can figure out quite a bit about blogging, HTML code, and on-line "anything" I am like a complete idiot when it comes to all things electronic. If you can't just push the "on" button and have everything work as it's supposed to, I'm lost.
Well, after dinner was eaten, hands and faces washed and puzzles worked on the floor together, the children decided they wanted to watch some movies. Of course the "truck twin" immediately announced he wanted to watch the truck movie. We got it out and placed it in the DVD player and then . . . yikes . . . I don't even know what button to push next . . . this new remote is similar to the other one, but even pushing the buttons labeled like those on the old remote, in what I thought was the same order, I could not for the life of me get the thing to play on the television.
After about 10 minutes, big sister offered, "Here, just give it to me and I'll push all the buttons." No thank you, sister! I can mess up the remote and/or electronics all by myself! LOL! Both boys "worked on" the DVD player. One brother pressed open/close and the other brother took out the DVD, replaced it in to the player and pressed the button again. Then they tried the "play" button several times. (I was quite impressed with their teamwork, but had visions of what that might look like when their 12 and want to do something they're not supposed to do:-) All the while, I'm suggesting they stop pushing buttons so I could try to see if any of the combinations I'm using to unlock the secret code to play the DVD is working.
After about 10 more minutes, I gave up and announced that the remote was "broken" and that I would figure out how to work it so we would have to watch the movie next time. But truck-twin was not to be deterred. He took out the DVD and brought it to me, "see Mary, it's this one," and "It works, I put it in." This went on for about 30 minutes - and I counted how many times a little boy, determined to watch a truck DVD with Mary can actually press the open/close button, take out the disk and put it back in - I told his mom, I was pretty sure it was about 75-80 times!
You know, I didn't get upset with my little buddy though, and I let him continue to push those buttons and work on the problem. He didn't want to hear that something so important to him was just not going to happen this time. He didn't understand that it wasn't about what he wanted -- or even what I wanted. It was about the circumstances in which we found ourselves.
I thought about how much like my little truck-loving twin I am when I take my requests to God sometimes. Even after it is abundantly clear to me that a plan I had made or a path I had chosen is not going to work out, I just keep at it. Sometimes, as sister suggested, I just "push all the buttons" in a last ditch effort to get my way. Sometimes, like my little buddy, I don't get mad or even rail at God--I just keep . . . doing . . . what . . . I . . . was . . . doing . . .
In the end my buddy resolved himself to not being able to watch the movie and we found an acceptable alternative program on television (thank goodness for cable television!) But the lesson of that night is not lost on me. Since that night, I've been praying a lot about some things that aren't really working the way I would like them to. I'm asking God to show me whether I am to persevere and keep at it, or whether I need to turn these situations over to him and allow Him to show me a better way.
"Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long" (Psalm 25:4-5 NIV).
Blessings on your journey,
Mary
This was originally posted at Crayon Chronicles, Nov. 2009
Last year - either for Christmas or for a birthday, I gave the boys two DVD's. One was of trucks-neither of them is spectacular, I don't think, but I bought them on-line and they like them - well one of the twins LOVES them! He's a truck fanatic--loves anything truck-related. Another thing the twins love is watching videos with Mary:-) Part of our new routine when I babysit is to watch all the videos we used to watch every day when I was their nanny.
Now that I only see the children every few weeks, our times together are especially precious - to them and to me. It had been at least 6 weeks since my last visit and in that time mom and dad got a new remote control because they changed cable service. Those who know me well already know where this is going. You see, while I can figure out quite a bit about blogging, HTML code, and on-line "anything" I am like a complete idiot when it comes to all things electronic. If you can't just push the "on" button and have everything work as it's supposed to, I'm lost.
Well, after dinner was eaten, hands and faces washed and puzzles worked on the floor together, the children decided they wanted to watch some movies. Of course the "truck twin" immediately announced he wanted to watch the truck movie. We got it out and placed it in the DVD player and then . . . yikes . . . I don't even know what button to push next . . . this new remote is similar to the other one, but even pushing the buttons labeled like those on the old remote, in what I thought was the same order, I could not for the life of me get the thing to play on the television.
After about 10 minutes, big sister offered, "Here, just give it to me and I'll push all the buttons." No thank you, sister! I can mess up the remote and/or electronics all by myself! LOL! Both boys "worked on" the DVD player. One brother pressed open/close and the other brother took out the DVD, replaced it in to the player and pressed the button again. Then they tried the "play" button several times. (I was quite impressed with their teamwork, but had visions of what that might look like when their 12 and want to do something they're not supposed to do:-) All the while, I'm suggesting they stop pushing buttons so I could try to see if any of the combinations I'm using to unlock the secret code to play the DVD is working.
After about 10 more minutes, I gave up and announced that the remote was "broken" and that I would figure out how to work it so we would have to watch the movie next time. But truck-twin was not to be deterred. He took out the DVD and brought it to me, "see Mary, it's this one," and "It works, I put it in." This went on for about 30 minutes - and I counted how many times a little boy, determined to watch a truck DVD with Mary can actually press the open/close button, take out the disk and put it back in - I told his mom, I was pretty sure it was about 75-80 times!
You know, I didn't get upset with my little buddy though, and I let him continue to push those buttons and work on the problem. He didn't want to hear that something so important to him was just not going to happen this time. He didn't understand that it wasn't about what he wanted -- or even what I wanted. It was about the circumstances in which we found ourselves.
I thought about how much like my little truck-loving twin I am when I take my requests to God sometimes. Even after it is abundantly clear to me that a plan I had made or a path I had chosen is not going to work out, I just keep at it. Sometimes, as sister suggested, I just "push all the buttons" in a last ditch effort to get my way. Sometimes, like my little buddy, I don't get mad or even rail at God--I just keep . . . doing . . . what . . . I . . . was . . . doing . . .
In the end my buddy resolved himself to not being able to watch the movie and we found an acceptable alternative program on television (thank goodness for cable television!) But the lesson of that night is not lost on me. Since that night, I've been praying a lot about some things that aren't really working the way I would like them to. I'm asking God to show me whether I am to persevere and keep at it, or whether I need to turn these situations over to him and allow Him to show me a better way.
"Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long" (Psalm 25:4-5 NIV).
Blessings on your journey,
Mary
This was originally posted at Crayon Chronicles, Nov. 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Smack Dab In the Center of God's Will
"It sounds like you are doing very well and are smack dab in the center of God’s will. There is no sweeter spot than that!! Praise God."
That's a comment made to me in the last couple of days ago by my friend Nancy about where I am in my life. We were e-mailing back and forth about various things going on with each of us and I had offered to help her out with some "social networking issue." Nancy is a modern-day prophet and I respect very much every word she says.
When I read her comment, I had one of those "V-8" moments! You know, you knock yourself on the forehead with the flat of your hand because once you have a solution to a seemingly complicated problem, you realize it wasn't complicated at all?!
For me, Nancy's remark was a revelation and explanation of why my week had been so AWFUL! I felt absolutely as if I were stuck in mud - in the miry bog of Psalm 40. (It also affirmed and verified that Nancy is prophetic even when she doesn't realize she is prophesying!)
Psalm 40
he turned to me and heard my cry.
I immediately began to feel 'cleansed' of the miry clay that had begun to suck me down into the pit upon reading her email.
One of Jesus' disciples found me and left me a word to remind me I have a rock upon which to stand. Thank you, Nancy!
That's a comment made to me in the last couple of days ago by my friend Nancy about where I am in my life. We were e-mailing back and forth about various things going on with each of us and I had offered to help her out with some "social networking issue." Nancy is a modern-day prophet and I respect very much every word she says.
When I read her comment, I had one of those "V-8" moments! You know, you knock yourself on the forehead with the flat of your hand because once you have a solution to a seemingly complicated problem, you realize it wasn't complicated at all?!
For me, Nancy's remark was a revelation and explanation of why my week had been so AWFUL! I felt absolutely as if I were stuck in mud - in the miry bog of Psalm 40. (It also affirmed and verified that Nancy is prophetic even when she doesn't realize she is prophesying!)
Psalm 40
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 I waited patiently for the LORD;he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods. a]">[a]
5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.
6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced b]">[b] , c]">[c] ;
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.
7 Then I said, "Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll. d]">[d]
8 I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."
9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.
10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.
11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.
12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.
14 May all who seek to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.
15 May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"
be appalled at their own shame.
16 But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
"The LORD be exalted!"
17 Yet I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.
I immediately began to feel 'cleansed' of the miry clay that had begun to suck me down into the pit upon reading her email.
One of Jesus' disciples found me and left me a word to remind me I have a rock upon which to stand. Thank you, Nancy!
Blessings on your journey my friends,
Mary
Mary
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