Nothing More. Nothing Less. Nothing Else.

Wow! It's been a month since I last posted.  Perhaps I should have been sharing more. Believe me, there has been plenty going on on so many levels this past month!

Every once in a while I catch a glimpse of two things. First is the person I really want to be - all the time - even in crunch time - even in times of stress - even when in pain - yes, even if I were to lay dying.

It's who I saw my mother become in the last year of her life. The transformation was nothing short of a miracle; an example of God answering prayers in ways we can never imagine.  Mom had a healing--not of her body, but of her heart, of the struggles/burdens that plagued her for many years.  It was a healing I know we had all prayed for over the years, but I don't think any of us ever really thought about asking God to really, truly, absolutely and completely grant her the kind of peace on earth she - and we - experienced throughout her cancer journey (and our journey with her and my dad). It was nothing short of a miracle.  And a gift - real gift that I will never be able to thank God for enough.

I want to be that person now.  I want to be whole and happy and at peace and to feel - and live as if I feel - blessed. Every day. All the time. Through pain. Through disappointment. Through everything.  

The second thing I glimpse sometimes (probably not often enough) is who I really am.  And I wince when that person looks back at me in the mirror of my mind. I'm not a terrible person. But I've done so many things of which I am not proud. I've acted badly and been selfish, self-righteous and yes, just downright sinful.  I'm not "that person" all the time.  I just act like that person sometimes.  And I don't like that person at all. 

I am trying very hard these days to be more like the person I want to be--and desperately hope to become. Because I am so very blessed. So, so blessed. I recently shared that when I say I'm blessed it doesn't mean I have everything I ever wanted! (Though I certainly have far more than I deserve). Blessed is state of mind and heart. It has become my way of "being" (or at least my attempt to be this way). God is so very good and I can't help but praise him for every blessing. 

My prayer today - for today and each and every day I am alive - is that I speak words of love and kindness. That I think thoughts only of others and how I can minister to them. That I think only thoughts of God's grace and healing.  And while I am certain I will never be the person I truly want to be, I learned through my mom's final months and in the months since, that God's will is infallible. He answers prayers we cannot even dare to utter.  He hears our cries for hope and help and healing that are uttered in soundless, breathless sobs. And He answers.

I really miss my mom today.  It sneaks up on me. It hits me out of the blue. And then I remember that she told us she was happier than she had ever been in her life weeks before she died. Blessed is I think what she meant.  For perhaps the first time she was able to see her life from an eternal view point. One that surpasses all human toiling, striving, struggling and dreaming. Perhaps she realized she had everything she could ever have hoped for - and far more than she deserved - more than any of us deserve.

I want to live like that every day. I want it to seep into my heart and my mind and into every cell of my body. I want to live blessed - not like I'm blessed - live rightly because I am blessed.  My mom taught me many things throughout my life and touched many people throughout hers.  Being blessed is perhaps the most significant lesson of all.  And she was.  And I was, and always will be, as her daughter.

God's will.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
Nothing else.

Blessings on your journey,
Mary

Crippled

A church down the street has a sign up that says "Sorrow looks back; worry looks around; faith looks up." I've seen it several times now and every time I drive by I have a little "aha" experience. I've been thinking about making a blog post for the past several days on being crippled. This quote seems to affirm that intention for me.

Sorrow and grief are just two of the things that cripple us. Fear, self-doubt, self-loathing, shame, greed, lust, jealously, drugs, alcohol, depression, anxiety are crippling, and, well . . . you can add your personal condition or situation to the list as applicable. I've got quite a few of my own.

"Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the [paralyzed—and they waited for the moving of the waters. From time to time an angel of the Lord would come down and stir up the waters. The first one into the pool after each such disturbance would be cured of whatever disease they had.] One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked" (John 5:1-8).

How like the man are you? Am I? We may not like being crippled, but to "pick up our mats and walk" requires stepping out in faith. It requires us to leave behind the crippling condition - which has, in reality, been a crutch hindering us from achieving the fullness of life Christ offers.

To trust Jesus to heal us also requires change - an end to worrying, a stop to the dependence upon substances, people, things, thoughts that cannot possibly save us. Even if we don't like where we are, what burdens we bear, how we are crippled, to give it all up and trust only Jesus . . . well . . . it's not easy. It's unthinkable almost. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak after all.

This man's family and friends plopped him down near the pool - near the one thing that (the people of the time believed) could have allowed him to walk - to heal him, to make him whole. He relied upon them and yet they never hung around to carry him into the pool. The man himself waited until the pool was stirred up before he headed toward the water. He didn't plan ahead, or, it seems, ever try to help himself.

Only Jesus offered him a better way. Only Jesus. Because of Jesus we don't need to look back in sorrow. Because of Jesus we don't need to look around in worry. Because of Jesus we can look up. Only Jesus can heal us. It's so easy! Ahhhh, but so difficult, because while He offers us healing, we must decide to accept it. To accept Jesus' offer we must accept responsibility for our lives.

Jesus is our all and everything. He heals the lame, forgives the sinner, upholds the downtrodden and cures us of the crippling condition that keeps us from living fully and completely, joyfully and intentionally. Jesus asked the crippled man - and asks us, "Do you want to get well?"

We can answer, "yes" or refuse. The choice is yours. And mine.

What will your answer be?

Blessings on your journey,

Mary

Another Prayer Button

Gladys is gravely ill and the doctors have told her she only has months to live. She is the mother-in-law of a coworker and dear friend. Please pray for healing if that is God's will, and for peace for her family.

Edie made this beautiful button for Gladys. Feel free to copy it to your blog.

Prayer warriors around the world prayed for my husband. Having been healed myself several years ago, I feel compelled to encourage prayer warriors around the world to pray for others.


"Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty; listen to me, O God of Jacob. Selah" (Psalm 84:8 NIV)

Blessings on your journey,
Mary

Prayers for Healing

Many thanks to Andrea for her rallying prayer warriors from around the world to intercede on our behalf!

Well, 3 days and much stress, worry and concern later, I brought Jim home this afternoon! He spent 13 hours in the ER before the cardiologist released him to a room in the Heart Pavilion. There was only one minor episode on Sunday night where the nurse gave Jim nitroglycerin because he complained of some rather painful pressure in his chest. Since then -- nothing!

Jim has had what one of the technicians at the hospital dubbed "the million dollar workup"!!! In other words, they did just about every logical test they could do without him undergoing any invasive procedures. (We're pretty sure that tech isn't too far off on the cost, either!:-)

The doctors are baffled because every test was negative -- multiple blood work-ups, chest x-ray, echo-cardiogram, ultrasound, stress test, full body scan, upper G.I. & esophageal something - all negative. And yet, on two occasions when he experienced chest pain/pressure, he responded to nitroglycerin.

We tend to believe that the prayers of the faithful led God to heal him. That is our ardent hope and the hope that we cling to. God is so good to have placed so many faithful prayer warriors in our lives -- and around the world! We felt your prayers and love every moment during our ordeal and thank you more than we can ever express.

We do ask for continued prayer that Jim not experience any more episodes like this.

I don't think all of it has really hit me yet, but I am certain in the days and weeks ahead there will be much about which to write and share.


Until then, blessings on your journey.

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much" (James 5:16 NKJV)

"pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17 NKJV)