Nothing More. Nothing Less. Nothing Else.

Wow! It's been a month since I last posted.  Perhaps I should have been sharing more. Believe me, there has been plenty going on on so many levels this past month!

Every once in a while I catch a glimpse of two things. First is the person I really want to be - all the time - even in crunch time - even in times of stress - even when in pain - yes, even if I were to lay dying.

It's who I saw my mother become in the last year of her life. The transformation was nothing short of a miracle; an example of God answering prayers in ways we can never imagine.  Mom had a healing--not of her body, but of her heart, of the struggles/burdens that plagued her for many years.  It was a healing I know we had all prayed for over the years, but I don't think any of us ever really thought about asking God to really, truly, absolutely and completely grant her the kind of peace on earth she - and we - experienced throughout her cancer journey (and our journey with her and my dad). It was nothing short of a miracle.  And a gift - real gift that I will never be able to thank God for enough.

I want to be that person now.  I want to be whole and happy and at peace and to feel - and live as if I feel - blessed. Every day. All the time. Through pain. Through disappointment. Through everything.  

The second thing I glimpse sometimes (probably not often enough) is who I really am.  And I wince when that person looks back at me in the mirror of my mind. I'm not a terrible person. But I've done so many things of which I am not proud. I've acted badly and been selfish, self-righteous and yes, just downright sinful.  I'm not "that person" all the time.  I just act like that person sometimes.  And I don't like that person at all. 

I am trying very hard these days to be more like the person I want to be--and desperately hope to become. Because I am so very blessed. So, so blessed. I recently shared that when I say I'm blessed it doesn't mean I have everything I ever wanted! (Though I certainly have far more than I deserve). Blessed is state of mind and heart. It has become my way of "being" (or at least my attempt to be this way). God is so very good and I can't help but praise him for every blessing. 

My prayer today - for today and each and every day I am alive - is that I speak words of love and kindness. That I think thoughts only of others and how I can minister to them. That I think only thoughts of God's grace and healing.  And while I am certain I will never be the person I truly want to be, I learned through my mom's final months and in the months since, that God's will is infallible. He answers prayers we cannot even dare to utter.  He hears our cries for hope and help and healing that are uttered in soundless, breathless sobs. And He answers.

I really miss my mom today.  It sneaks up on me. It hits me out of the blue. And then I remember that she told us she was happier than she had ever been in her life weeks before she died. Blessed is I think what she meant.  For perhaps the first time she was able to see her life from an eternal view point. One that surpasses all human toiling, striving, struggling and dreaming. Perhaps she realized she had everything she could ever have hoped for - and far more than she deserved - more than any of us deserve.

I want to live like that every day. I want it to seep into my heart and my mind and into every cell of my body. I want to live blessed - not like I'm blessed - live rightly because I am blessed.  My mom taught me many things throughout my life and touched many people throughout hers.  Being blessed is perhaps the most significant lesson of all.  And she was.  And I was, and always will be, as her daughter.

God's will.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
Nothing else.

Blessings on your journey,
Mary

God is just too big for us to imagine!

Every single day since Mom's passing she has "communicated" with me - sent a message of some kind, a thought that crosses my mind.  I have experienced contact with God in the past, but I'm feeling like I have a "direct line" now - I believe His desire is for each of us to be open to His thoughts and guidance.  Now I understand in a new enlightened way that Mom has joined this cosmic, interwoven, interconnected, shape-, form-, time-defying essence that is God. And He is just too big for us to imagine!

The Alpha and Omega God I worship now is so much more multi-dimensional and multi-faceted -- as I have never understood before! Assigning my Mom as part of Him in no way diminishes who God is - or at least who I perceive Him to be! Rather Mom joining Him opens up my mind to the unspeakable, unimaginable, inexplicable existence that is God! My mind is just blown! The vastness and completeness of it all is beyond human comprehension!

I am breathless and speechless. I am in absolute awe! I am humbled.

As evidence of this interaction with the divine, I wrote the following after my Dad and I had picked up Mom's urn several days after she died.


On my way to the house with Dad from Margie's and then upon arrival, I felt such an emptiness in my heart. On Tuesday night I had the thought that Mom isn't here anymore - couldn't even seem to feel her presence! It made me so very sad.

Yesterday we picked up her urn and placed it on the hutch and I cried for a little bit. But within 30 minutes of Mom's arrival she sent me a message that I know she wants me to share.

I'm still here.
I'm in the wind.
I'm in the twinkling stars.
I'm in the shadows of the moon.

I'm still here.
I'm in each breath and every sigh.
I'm in a random sideways glance.
I'm in your laughter and fun.

I'm still here.
I'm in the snowflakes and rain.
I'm in rainbows and sunshine.
I'm in clouds and clear skies.

I'm still here.
I'm in mountain heather.
I'm in the deep deep sea.
I'm in craggy rocks and sea shells.

I'm still here.
I'm in all your teardrops.
I'm in each struggle you endure.
I'm in every victory and celebration.

I'm still here.
I am with you always because you are part of me.
You are my heart and love and
my everything and always will be.

I'm still here.
Live a long and happy life
Be kind and gentle.
Do what is right and good to honor me.

Don't worry . . . it's good . . . it's good

Blessings on your journey,
Mary

So Great a Salvation

I opened my bible this morning to Psalm 8:3-6 (NIV).

"When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars that you have established; what are human beings that you are mindful of them, mortals that you care for them? Yet you have made them a little lower than God, and crowned them with glory and honor, You have given them dominion over the works of your hands, you have put all things under their feet,"

I can't help but share this bit of self-awareness: it was not until the recent tragedy of the sudden death of a child that I was compelled to immerse myself so intentionally into scripture again. A sermon last Sunday began my quest, but life "got in the way" all to easily and it didn't last as it should have. This is not to say that something good comes from tragedy, but it has, admitedly, sent me back to the Word.

I lost my place--my bible closed--when I got up to get coffee and opened "randomly" to Hebrews chapter 2.

"Therefore we must pay greater attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it. For if the message declared through angels was valid, and every transgression or disobedience received a just penalty, how can we escape if we neglect so great a salvation?" Then, down the page, verse 6 quotes Psalm 8:3-6! I'm hard-headed but I can take a hint!

Somehow for me this all ties together as I try to make sense out of a crazy, angry, mixed up, fallen and violent world, and then a more "personal" tragedy. God created us for His pleasure. Perhaps God wanted the child who died in this world with Him in heaven. I don't understand it - will never be able to comprehend. But these verses give me a glimmer of peace and comfort of the certainty of God's love and desire for each of us. And that He is the one in control!

Hebrews 2:18 (NIV) assures us, "Because he himself was tested by what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested."

I know that I have been reminded to "pay greater attention to what [I] have heard so that [I] do not drift away from it."

Blessings on your journey,
Mary

Fearless!

.

Romans 8:38-39

38. For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39. nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Philippians 4:6-7

6. Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Well . . . do I really need to add anything to these two hopeful and uplifting passages? No matter what is going on in our lives, we have the assurance that God is in it; He is with us and walks through every moment with us. That’s not always easy to remember when we are in pain, experiencing a difficult time in our lives, or have lost a loved one. To my mind, those are the times we need the reassurance of these verses the most.

I read the Philippians to mean that once we have prayed and presented our supplications to God, we need to let it go. Once we give it our Heavenly Father, we can be assured that everything will happen as he has planned out of his wisdom and grace. In a time of tragedy, mourning, struggle or fear we may not feel very close to God. Those are the times we actually need to seek Him out. That’s when we need to read and pray upon the Romans verses.

Because of Christ, we have assurance that God has our present and our future in his hands. There is nothing we can do, nothing we can experience that is stronger than God’s love. Think about that for a minute! Beyond our own daily lives and our personal future lives, He holds the world! No war or revolt, no acts of genocide, no words of hatred, no earthquake, volcano, tsunami, drought or flood is beyond the depth and breadth, the height or the power of God!

More, in spite of our own sins and the sins of the world, God values us tremendously. He jealously oversees our actions and knows our thoughts. He loves us anyway—individually as his precious ones, and as a people. We are all His Own, his beloved. Nothing will ever separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. The Cross won for us eternity in heaven. That’s why we are not to be anxious, to fret, to be afraid. No traffic light color of alert level will change our future. We’re going to heaven!

I think it helps to step back and reframe our own little lives, and all the things going on in the world from that perspective. Since we are going to heaven, all we need to really be concerned about is taking as many with us as we can, and being the best person we can possibly be. It’s a cliché, I know. But it is true, and it is the answer to how to have the best life possible—a grace-filled life of abundance and blessings. Death is not the final word. Nor is warfare, natural disasters, hatred, military power or living in fear.

Because of Christ we are fearless! We are not afraid, and so we are free to share the Good News and to live abundantly and fully into the promise sealed for us 2000 years ago on Calvary. Rejoice! We have nothing to fear! We are God’s beloved and His precious creations. He waits for us!

My prayer today is that you fearlessly go out into the world intending to be Christ to the world. And that you live the rest of your life with reckless abandon!

Mary